


Project Marzanna

by guardsguards



Series: CIA!Dirk 'verse [3]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Bart is Bart so there is gore but it's not really described, Childhood, Gen, POV Alternating, Project Black Wing, Referenced Human Experimentation, Violence, though nothing as severe as that sounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-23 04:18:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9640412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guardsguards/pseuds/guardsguards
Summary: Project Marzanna doesn't attract as many scientists as Project Icarus. Mainly because the scientists who work on Marzanna have a bad habit of dying.Companion fic to Project Icarus. Bart-centric, though Dirk plays a key role and makes a few appearances.





	1. Age 7

**Author's Note:**

> I wouldn't recommend reading this without having read Project Icarus first, as this goes parallel to the events of that fic. You don't need to have read Project Conventus though.

**Project Marzanna**

**Age: 7 yrs**

**Supervisor: Lieutenant Colonel S. Riggins**

**Log Entry: 00052.1**

**A fourth staff member has been accidentally terminated as a result of interaction with Marzanna. Marzanna reportedly requested a glass of water, and Nurse Reynder was crushed by a malfunctioning security door while fulfilling this request.**

**Sourcing replacement staff for Project Marzanna is becoming increasingly difficult.**

* * *

 

**From the desk of Lieutenant Colonel S Riggins**

Dr Headley has proposed a theory regarding the recent incidents centring around Project Marzanna. It seems that all four of the accidentally terminated staff members had previously worked on Project Icarus, though to varying extents.

As you’re all aware, current research indicates that those who die while in proximity to Marzanna tend to be – in some sense of the word – ‘bad people’, despite the fact that Marzanna can rarely identify why her victims deserved to die. Until further research can be conducted, we are acting under the assumption that anybody who has interacted with Project Icarus is classified as ‘bad’, and may be in danger during interactions with Marzanna.

As such, I will no longer be making personal visits to Marzanna, and Dr Patel’s recent transfer request has been denied.

 

* * *

 

**Interview with Project Icarus conducted by Agent Collins, Transcription Extract**

**AC** : Do you recognise this woman, Svlad?

_Icarus is presented with a photograph of Kathleen Reynder (deceased)_

**PI** : That’s one of the nurses. But I haven’t seen her much recently.

**AC** : Tell me what you remember about her.

**PI** : She wasn’t… Am I allowed to say something, even if it’s a bit mean?

_Agent Collins nods_

**PI** : She wasn’t a very friendly nurse. I remember nurses, from before, and I think they’re supposed to smile and give you stickers, or maybe a lollipop, and she wasn’t like that. And she was mean when she did injections.

**AC** : I see. How about this man?

_Icarus is presented with a photograph of John Oakley (deceased)_

**PI** : I don’t understand this test. Aren’t you supposed to only show me the back of the pictures and then I have to guess what they are?

**AC** : This is a different experiment. Answer the question.

**PI** : That’s Dr Oakley. He was mean to Morkin, my assistant. He threw him against the wall and said he wasn’t real.

**AC** : Did that make you want Dr Oakley to get hurt?

_Icarus appears confused by the question_

**PI** : I just wanted him not to hurt Morkin… I don’t like this experiment very much, Mr Collins.

**AC** : Just two more pictures to go, Svlad, you’re doing well.

 

* * *

 

Bart kicked her legs and stared at the metal door to her bedroom. She knew nobody was going to come in, though; nobody ever came in very soon after the deaths.

She hadn’t known the nurse’s name. She’d just known that the nurse needed to be killed. As soon as Bart’s eyes had fallen on her, her fate had been sealed, and there was no use in trying to avoid fate. Bart kicked her legs more aggressively, feet hitting the iron bed-frame with each kick, though if there was any pain, it didn’t register. She knew no real harm would come of it.

“I’m bored,” she announced to the room. The gruff voice would have sounded uncharacteristic coming from any other seven-year-old, but with the blood staining the cuffs of her trousers and the wild look in her eyes, Bart seemed to suit her voice perfectly.

Nobody answered the announcement, so Bart grunted and pushed herself up from the bed, ambling over to the large mirror that covered one wall of her bedroom. She didn’t know what a double-sided mirror was, but instinct told her that this was where she should direct her words.

“She died ‘cause she was supposed to die, okay?” Bart said, “Ain’t nothing you could do about it, so ain’t no point moving me to a littler room with a bigger door again. Things that are gonna happen are gonna happen; people that are gonna die are gonna die.”

Unbeknownst to her, six scientists watched on in growing horror that they would all stringently deny later on. Two of them transferred later that day.

 

* * *

 

**From the desk of Dr Headley**

As requested, I’ve written up a condensed summary of Experiment H.017 on Project Marzanna, for those who lack the clearance level to read the full report. Please keep in mind that this information _should not_ be distributed outside of Project Black Wing.

Test 1: Corporal Sunder, formerly assigned to Project Icarus. Icarus reported that Sunder was ‘scary’. Terminated within two minutes of exposure to Marzanna, after slipping and hitting his head on the corner of a desk.

Test 2: Nurse Strand, formerly assigned to Project Icarus. Icarus reported that Strand assisted him in repairing a toy when it was torn. It should be noted that Strand had been moved to another division of the CIA, as her superiors did not consider her temperament suited for Project Black Wing. She was exposed to Marzanna eight times over a three-day period, and came to no harm.

Test 3: Details are classified, but this test did result in a termination.

Test 4: P Smith and J Fields, two violent criminals with no previous connection to any Black Wing project. The day before the test, Smith was allowed to interact briefly with Icarus, Fields was kept in solitary confinement. Upon exposure to Marzanna, both men were terminated as a result of a fist-fight, apparently incited by a single comment from Marzanna. Marzanna herself was uninjured.

Test 5: W Ciernik, a child who Icarus is known to have associated with at school before joining Project Black Wing. Icarus described the child as ‘a bully’. Exposure to Marzanna did not result in termination.

Test 6: Details are classified, but this test did not result in a termination.

 

* * *

 

Bart shifted in her chair, though the handcuffs stopped her from being too restless. The idea that the handcuffs might stop her from killing whoever she was inclined to kill was laughable.

Opposite her sat Dr Headley. He was one of the few researchers who would actually interact with her personally, and Bart knew it was because Dr Headley felt safe. In Dr Headley’s mind, the fact that he hadn’t died yet was evidence that Bart wasn’t going to kill him. In actuality, it was only evidence that Bart hadn’t yet felt inclined to kill him, and in Bart’s experience these inclinations could come at any moment.

Dr Headley was speaking and Bart was paying very little attention, so he repeated his words.

“Why didn’t you kill Walter Ciernik? Do you not think he’s a bad person?” Headley asked.

“I don’t know any Walter,” Bart rumbled out in response, tilting her head back to stare at the ceiling.

“Walter is the boy you met last week.”

“I meet lotsa people,” Bart retorted, “If he didn’t die, it’s ‘cause I wasn’t meant to kill him. I explained that before.”

“Walter used to bully Icarus, apparently, he pushed him over on a few occasions. Does that not make him a bad person?” Dr Headley persisted. Bart gave an exasperated sigh.

“I didn’t kill him, so he wasn’t s’posed to die. I ain’t a scientist and even I get that,” she said with a snort, “And I don’t know any Icarus.”

“Svlad Cjelli,” Dr Headley amended.

“And I don’t know any _Sad Jelly_ ,” Bart snapped, rattling the handcuffs, “I just do what I know I gotta do, not for Jelly, not for nobody.”

Silence settled around them, and Dr Headley rubbed his forehead, evidently not a fan of having to do interviews with Project Marzanna. Bart went back to restlessly shifting in her chair.

 

* * *

 

**Log Entry: 00103.2**

**Dr Headley was terminated today during a standard interview with Marzanna, after choking on the cap of his pen while taking notes. Unfortunately, the doctor had turned off the security recording midway through the interview, and as such it is impossible to determine whether or not the incident was provoked by Marzanna or whether it was a true accident.**

**Marzanna claims that Dr Headley was ‘supposed to die’. If this was truly a result of Marzanna’s abilities, further studies will need to be conducted to determine why Dr Headley was not terminated during any of his other numerous interactions with her.**

**Until these studies are completed, no essential members of staff will be permitted to interact with Marzanna in person. Future interviews will need to be carried out using a speaker and microphone.**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Morkin had a short life that was full of suffering.


	2. Age 14

**Project Marzanna**

**Age: 14 yrs**

**Supervisor: Colonel S. Riggins**

**Log Entry: 02607.1**

**Marzanna completed her 37 th external mission today, terminating former Agent Hardy immediately upon arrival at the site. Marzanna was allowed the use of Weapon C, at her request. So far, it seems that a low dosage of [REDACTED], as well as allowing Marzanna to select her own weapon, is sufficient to ensure that the assigned target will be terminated. **

**Marzanna was also exposed briefly to Icarus during the mission. Members of Unit M all noted that she showed an apparent interest in Icarus, though she did not attempt to attack him. Dr Snow has requested permission to study an interaction between Marzanna and Icarus.**

* * *

 

Bart liked getting in the van. Getting in the van meant getting out of the tiny room she was kept in at the CIA base, it meant feeling fresh air on her skin, and it meant getting to do what she was supposed to do.

What she was supposed to do had gotten blurrier in her head in recent months, which was frustrating. The doctors – she never saw the doctors anymore, but she knew it was them giving instructions to the security guys – had her taking a whole mouthful of pills every time she got in the van. The pills, she had quickly learned, weren’t food.

The pills were like little smoke grenades going off in her brain. They couldn’t stop her from killing who she was meant to kill – nothing could stop that – but they could make her kill somebody who wasn’t supposed to die. The scientists thought Bart was dumb, but she wasn’t. She’d figured out what those little pills did after the second time she’d been made to take them.

Bart went along with it, though. When her mind went blurry, there was no way to tell the difference between her proper targets and the doctor’s targets, so she figured her best strategy was just to do what she always did. She killed the people that she felt inclined to kill.

Despite the fog in her brain, Bart felt alive when the van doors opened and she could leap out, weapon in hand. The weapon wasn’t always necessary, of course, sometimes the target would get hit by a car while running from her, or they would trip and crack their head against the pavement. They always died, though.

This time was different. The target died, that was a given, but instead of watching his head roll across the pavement, Bart felt inclined to turn towards the sound of screaming down the street. Of course, for a lot of people it was natural to turn and stare when they heard screaming, but Bart heard more screaming than talking in her life and so paying attention to it was quite unusual. The person screaming seemed to be about her age, but looked nothing like her. He looked terrified, and then he looked like nothing at all because he’d been pulled behind a building and out of sight.

Never before had Bart felt such an inclination to follow somebody who she wasn’t meant to kill. However, before she could think much about this inclination, she was being bundled into the back of the van again and driven away.

She never fought the guys who drove her around in the van. It had taken the CIA a long time to find three men who weren’t supposed to die, and Bart was mostly ambivalent towards them. They never talked to her, and she didn’t usually try to talk to them.

That day, though, she spoke up. “Who was that kid?” she asked, wiping at the blood that was drying on her forehead.

Nobody answered her question, but she just about made out the sound of one of the guys driving the van scoffing and saying to the other: “Kid, she says. Icarus is older than her. He acts his age more than Marzanna though, I hear.”

 

* * *

 

**to: <s.riggins@[REDACTED].gov>  
from: <t.snow@[REDACTED].gov>**

With all due respect, Colonel, I’m sick of Project Icarus getting preferential treatment just because you have a soft spot for their subject and because they churn out more experiments per month. Project Marzanna would have the same efficiency if we were given the same staffing budget, and if we had a similarly tame subject to work with.

I understand that Dr Lee and the others are angry about the initial exposure to Marzanna affecting their research, but the damage has been done now and we’d be fools not to exploit it. We already knew there was some sort of link between them after Experiment H.017 and now we’ve got further confirmation; Marzanna’s never taken so much notice of somebody without killing them before.

All I’m asking for is five short sessions with Icarus. Marzanna doesn’t want to hurt him. I’ll even clean her up so she doesn’t look so intimidating. This could be the breakthrough we’ve been waiting for.

Regards,  
Dr Snow

 

**to: <t.snow@[REDACTED].gov>  
from: <s.riggins@[REDACTED].gov >**

I already told you, Tracy, the answer is no. Svlad isn’t like Marzanna, he’s less robust. I’m not going to risk terrifying him when he’s just started doing external missions, he’s upset enough as it is.

Despite your accusations, I am being objective here, and I do agree that the connection is worthy of more research. Perhaps when Svlad is older.

Colonel S Riggins

 

**to: <s.riggins@[REDACTED].gov>  
from: <t.snow@[REDACTED].gov>**

Objective? An objective party wouldn’t have gotten into the habit of calling Icarus by his first name. If you were thinking clearly, you’d know that Marzanna’s abilities give her an edge on Icarus in terms of usefulness. We should be focusing more resources on her.

But fine, I’ll shelf my proposal until Icarus is out of his teens.

Regards,  
Dr Snow

 

* * *

 

**Interview with Project Marzanna conducted by Dr Snow, Transcription Extract**

**DS** : Unit M tell me that you were asking questions on the way back from your mission, about the boy that you saw.

**PM** : My head still feels weird, you gave me too many pills.

**DS** : Focus on the topic we’re discussing. You seemed interested in talking about him in the van. Is he going to be added to your little list?

**PM** : You mean the list of people the universe wants dead?

**DS** : The list of people that you say you’re going to kill.

**PM** : Nah, that’s still the same. Scott Riggins, Brian Lee, Rick Esposito.

**DS** : And you’re still sure that Anaisha Patel isn’t on that list?

**PM** : The lady whose picture you showed me? Nah, she don’t gotta die.

**DS** : You still haven’t told me how you found out about Lee. You met Riggins and Esposito when you were younger, but you’ve never met Lee.

**PM** : I saw him, one time. Except I was all foggy from those shots you gave me. I saw him and I thought ‘he’s gotta die’, and it wasn’t just the fog saying so because I still thought so afterwards. When the fog was gone.

**DS** : Are you aware of the link between the people on your list and Svlad Cjelli? That’s the name of the boy you saw.

**PM** : Svlad Cjelli doesn’t sound like somebody I’m gonna kill.

**DS** : And you’re not curious about how he’s associated with your list? Do you never wonder why you feel compelled to kill them?

**PM** : Universe wants me to. Am I gonna meet this Cjelli guy again?

**DS** : No, Riggins has forbidden it.

_Marzanna laughs_

**PM** : A dead guy saying no don’t seem like too much of a problem to me, doc.

**DS** : You frightened him. Does it upset you, that you frightened him?

**PM** : I frighten everybody.

 

* * *

 

**to: <r.esposito@[REDACTED].gov>  
from: <a.patel@[REDACTED].gov >**

Did you hear the news about Dr Snow? I swear, there’s not an ounce of professionalism in that woman. And to think I once wanted to work on Project Marzanna with her.

Anaisha

 

**to: <a.patel@[REDACTED].gov>  
from: <r.esposito@[REDACTED].gov >**

Everybody knows Snow has an unconventional research style. But if anything’s happened recently, I haven’t heard about it.

Rick

 

**to: <r.esposito@[REDACTED].gov>  
from: <a.patel@[REDACTED].gov >**

She tricked security into giving her access to Icarus, took him to one of the interview rooms and ranted to him about what a nuisance he is for about an hour. I suppose we’ve all wanted to do it at one point or another, but she doesn’t even have to work with him!

Anyway, she slapped him too, apparently, and Dr Lee says it’s set back his “emotional recovery” a few more days. Riggins is furious, of course, Snow’ll be off to Moloch any day now, just you wait and see.

Oh, and I heard the news about Sofia. Congratulations. I’ll be sure to pick something up for the baby shower.

Anaisha

 

* * *

 

**Log Entry: 02610.1**

**Marzanna announced immediately upon waking up this morning that Dr Snow has been added to the list of people she intends to kill. When asked if this was in light of recent events regarding Project Icarus, Marzanna only repeated her original statement. It is not apparent how Marzanna would have found out about these events during the night.**

**Dr Snow has been transferred for her own safety, and will be replaced on Thursday by Dr Perry.**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've gotten so attached to writing these scientist characters. Also, it makes me happy to imagine an AU of this AU where little Dirk and little Bart got to become labrat buddies.


	3. Age 29

**Project Marzanna**

**Age: 29 yrs**

**Supervisor: Colonel S. Riggins**

**Log Entry: 08133.2**

**After the completion of her mission, Marzanna refused to return to [REDACTED] Base and Unit M were unable to contain her using force. Local authorities have been advised of Marzanna’s presence.**

**Requests for funding to assemble a team to recapture Marzanna are pending, but Colonel Riggins advises that they are likely to be denied.**

* * *

 

**to: <t.snow@[REDACTED].gov; b.lee@[REDACTED].gov; r.esposito@[REDACTED].gov>  
from: <s.riggins@[REDACTED].gov >**

I’m sure that, by now, most of you have heard the news of Marzanna’s escape during her mission in Tacoma. I’m sure you all also recall that we are on Marzanna’s list of ‘targets’.

Unfortunately, the budget simply won’t allow for me to fund extra security for any of you during your personal lives. I’d like to remind you all that you were informed of potential dangers when you signed up for Project Black Wing.

I’ll try to keep you informed of any sightings of Marzanna in the local area.

Colonel Riggins

 

* * *

 

Guns, Bart thought, were a good way to get the job done.

She’d picked one up a few hours after her escape, grabbed from the hand of a man in a back alley who she’d proceeded to shoot in the back of the skull. The woman who the gun had initially been pointed at had shrieked, dropped her purse, and fled the scene. Bart didn’t chase her, she hadn’t felt like somebody who was supposed to die.

So, Bart had left the alley with a new weapon in her arsenal. She’d also checked the purse for potential weapons, but only found a bunch of little plastic cards and a weird metal and glass block, so she’d left it.

Bart had never been allowed a gun before, they certainly hadn’t been in the arsenal of weapons she could choose from when driving around with Unit M. She vaguely recalled something being said about guns requiring more training, but she’d found it to be an instinctive skill.

Instinctive, like her skill for hunting down the people on her list. Bart hadn’t even realised she was finally going to start crossing names of that list until she read two familiar words on the side of a mailbox.

_Dr Lee_

Any other assassin might have taken a moment to consider that Lee was a fairly common surname, and there was no guarantee that the person in this house was the actual target. Other assassins didn’t see the world the way Bart did.

There was no hesitation as she walked down the driveway. She let herself in, not at all surprised to find that the door was unlocked. The sound of a television filtered through from another room.

Bart stepped into the living room, and the figure sitting on the sofa swivelled around, eyes widening when they fell on her. What followed was a rush of words that Bart paid very little attention to.

“You don’t need to do this, Marzanna,” he was saying, a tremor in his voice. Brian Lee sounded like a man whose voice had never once tremored in his life.

Bart reached to pull the gun from her pocket.

“I haven’t even seen Icarus in five years.”

“I don’t know any Icarus,” Bart replied, flicking the safety off.

“Svlad Cjelli, the one you’re protecting. Or avenging, whatever. I never laid a finger on him, I was doing my job,” Lee was insisting, speaking so fast he was tripping over his words.

“I ain’t friends with this Cjelli guy. I’m here to kill you.” Bart aimed the gun at Dr Lee’s forehead.

“Dirk Gently, then! Whatever you’re calling him, I know that’s why you’re after me, it’s the same reason you’re after Esposito and the others. You should go after Patel, she’s the real-“

A gunshot sounded and Dr Lee shut up in a rather permanent fashion. Bart watched gore drip down the seat of the sofa.

“Who the hell,” she asked to the empty room, “Is Dirk Gently?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt bad for not actually killing Dr Lee off in Project Icarus, when he so clearly deserved it. So when I had to decide whether to write a death scene for Esposito, Lee or Snow, it was a pretty easy choice.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it :) The idea of the universe getting Bart to kill people who have wronged Dirk can be at least partly blamed on the Dirk Gently discord chat.
> 
> Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated, as always.


End file.
